“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” These words are taken from a very familiar source: the Bible. No, I am not here to open up the scriptures and deliver a sermon (although I'm sort of use to that). However, in a day and time when more and more people seem to complain about the disrespectful, lazy, fowl mouthed, and undisciplined generation that appears to be developing on the seen today, one has to wonder if we shouldn't be re-visiting this timeless passage of scripture for a timely solution.
When I was in 6th grade (I'm 45 years old today; you figure out how long ago that was), I had a teacher named Mr. McCarthy at Michelle Clark Middle School on Chicago's great west side. During one particular class session, the teacher randomly went around the class asking different students to answer time table problems. He would look at me, for example, and say, rather suddenly, “Seven times eight is what?”. And if the answer was anything other than “56”, my hand was in trouble; because he had a wooden ruler wrapped in electrical tape that he would whack you with if you got the answer wrong. And it didn't do me any good to complain to my parents about this, because they were in full agreement with this “method of education”. Needless to say, not only was I no trouble to my parents or teachers, but I mastered my time tables quite well; thank you very much. (for legal and career reasons, I wouldn't recommend this method to educators today).
Now I'm not saying that we should run out to Office Max, purchase a ruler, wrap it with tape, and start whacking a bunch of kids. However, if we take the above scripture, break it on down, and faithfully apply it to our offspring today (you really don't have to be religious to do this), I know we'll have better success with our children today and tomorrow . I've sited three (3) steps to child training. They are:
1. Modeling or example setting. Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you're doing speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying”? You can't puff on cancer sticks (cigarettes) and tell a child not to smoke. Nor can you “cuss” like a sailor and expect your child to speak like the angels. It just don't work like that (please excuse my Ebonics here). No where else is the phrase “practice what you preach” more critically important than in the raising of children. You've got to “show them” how it's done; believe me, they're watching.
2.Verbal dialogue conduction. Please, do not make the common mistake of thinking that your “good” habits are automatically picked up by your children without checking with them. How do you do that: You talk to them. You should “show and tell”. When do you start doing this? As soon as they are able to talk and hold a conversation (somewhere between 2 and 4 years old). This brings me to the very important matter of what is a child. Before we get to number 3, let me give some insight on this. Because of the “so called” legal age of 18 for smoking and porn, and 21 for drinking, we have a tendency of calling 15 and 16 year olds “kids”. Without going into great detail here, nature sort of dictates that the moment a human is biologically able to produce offspring, they are no longer children, even if you still want to legally label them or treat them as such! Sure, they still need to continue growing and maturing mentally, emotionally, educationally, economically, and experientially. But you can't deny what nature is causing them to feel in their souls. And they tend to rebel against anyone who tries to challenge,ignore, or deny this.
Childhood stretches from birth to around 12 or 13 years old. Beyond this, they are adults in training. As early as 3 to 5 you should require that they help you around the house (cooking, cleaning, moping; stuff like that). Never mind that they are still to little to do some things on their own. They aren't to young to assist you. Show patience, even if they mess up; they're learning. If you do this consistently throughout their childhood years, you won't have to threaten, yell, and scream at them to get them to do these things when they are “adults in training” (and when they are old, they won't depart). When children are young, it's important to them to impress their parents, but as they get to be “adults in training”, impressing their friends becomes the order of their young lives. So get em' while they're young; real young.
3. Finally, scripture also talks about the “rod of correction”. This really only works if you've. done the first two steps and they know that you love them. When they fail to notice your example, and they ignore your words, some form of discipline or punishment can help get their attention. A couple of whacks on the bottom should do the trick (trust me; it won't kill or traumatize them). This should not be done just because they've made you angry or have finally gotten on you “last nerves”. This should be done in a calm but firm manner, with the spirit of teaching in mind. There are times when these little people simply don't understand anything but a swift, precise whack on the backside. “But wait a minute”, you may be saying; “what about time-out?” I'm not saying not to do that; try it. If it works for your child, by all means, do it. Some children respond well to the “time out” method of correction. You may even try withholding a favorite toy, activity, or TV show. Or threaten to give em' Castor Oil (lol). I'm just giving you the most quick and effective way to bring them around. You'll discover that if you make this a practice when they are really children, then you won't have to jump on them and beat the “hell” out of them when they are older (adults in training that is).
You'll find that if you follow these simple steps to training up a child (before they hit puberty) in the way that they should go: Setting a good example, verbal dialogue and instruction, and the rod of correction; that the teen-age years really don't have to be a parent's “nightmare” after all.
One final thought on this subject before I leave you here: Parenting can be a tough job; but somebody has to do it. And if you are one of those individuals or couples that have children, then the job is yours! During these important years of child training and raising, you need what I call the 4 Ps of parenting: Presence, patience, persistence, and power (or “energy”. Hey, energy is a better word than “power”, but I needed a forth word that starts with the letter “P”). I'll explain these 4 Ps in more detail in my next discussion.
