Happy Friday(TGIF)to everyone today. I'm going to try to get through this in spite of a some-what painful left hand. Last time we considered the 2nd P of our discussion which was "patience". This time we'll continue on with the 3rd which is "persistence". I don't know how many of you parents feel the way I'm about to describe, but have you ever felt tired or exhausted from having to say the same freakin thing over, and over..........and over again; huh? Every d**mn day it's either the dishes, or their room, or their clothes, or their homework, or the garbage, or_______________; just fill in the blank. At first, you may think that this young person may have "down syndrome" that the doctors some how missed. Or that they may just simply be, I don't know, stupid or something. Why in the world does this person need to be told the same thing over and over again? Doesn't this child understand that I need their help, and that I'm not just assigning chores for my amusement?

Now, some parents claim to have an answer to this problem; "Well, I just beats they ass!", or, "I'd whoop the hell outa em!". Or maybe some of you more sophisticated, modern parents may say, "Perhaps a time out is in order.", or even, "I'll suspend a desired privilege." Now don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that these methods wouldn't provide some cooperative motivation on the part of your kid; scaring people into cooperation does work. But I do need to tell you that using scare tactics is not operating in love; at least not perfect love. Oh, you disagree; "It worked for my momma and grand momma, and It works for me, and you can't tell me I don't love my kids", you say. Well I can almost assure you that even though you may "beat the hell out of them" with good intentions, they aren't feeling the "love" at the time of the "disciplinary assault". All you are doing is planting seeds of wrath and resentment in them, which leads to division, alienation, and a break down in communication in the latter teen years. Just because a shovel works doesn't mean I won't take my money and go get a snow blower.

Listen; these are your kids; that means they instinctively love you and, thus, really mean you, as their parents, no harm. At times, when they appear to disobey, not hear you, not do what you tell them to do, etc..... it's not because they are deliberately trying to defy you; they simply need your loving, attentive persistence to perpetually push them along towards maturity. Let me explain something about us as we enter this world as new babies: WE COME HERE SELFISH!!! Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing; as babies. You see, babies can't talk, can't walk, can't dress, feed, clean, or buy for themselves. That's why they cry, scream and holla, with no regards to whether or not it's an inconvenience to you. The selfishness is a survival mechanism designed to protect them from starvation, sickness, serious diaper rash, and conditions such as freezing or heat strokes. As these babies continue to grow into toddlers, children, and even adolescents, however, the survival mechanism of selfishness tends to linger on in them, even though they no longer need it as much. Therefore, they naturally try to avoid anything that's not "fun", enjoyable, or comfortable; even though it may be needed to help you in and around the house; or to achieve good grades in school.
For this, they need your persistent help. This is a mechanism that has to be worked out of them over time. And furthermore, this needs to start as soon as they are old enough to put together sentences and safely walk up and down the stairs on their own. Once started, you, as the parent, should persistently work with them throughout their childhood; with the dishes, with the laundry, with cleaning their rooms, cutting grass, taking out the trash, ironing, cooking, etc. And there shouldn't be a certain household chore or job for girls or boys only. Teach both to do it ALL. This is why you need to always be "present" and "patient", so that your "persistence" becomes much more effective.

If you will commit yourself to being lovingly persistent in your parenting supervision, you'll find that eventually, as they get older, consistency in your present and patient persistence will create gradual "programming" which will cause them, at some point, to assist you on auto pilot. "But", you say, "That sounds like a lot of work!", and your right; it IS a lot of work: that's what you signed up for honey. This is why you need the last and final P, which is "power"; which we'll discuss next time.

The Four Ps of Parenting Part 2

Well hello to you all; how is everyone doing? Well today, here in Chi-town, the weather is warmer, the snow is melting, and the pot holes are forming! Praise God!!! Anyway we are continuing the 4 Ps of parenting with the 2nd which is ‘Patience”. You have some parents that may be present, but they’re not very patient. For you Bible readers, one of the fruits of the Spirit is patience.

Why should a parent be patient? Let me explain it this way: Is there anyone out there who knows anything about cooking? Then you are familiar with “slow cooking” (you may even have a crock pot). What does slow cooking do for your meat? My experience is that it makes for nice easy to chew, juicy, tender meat; and it makes good natural gravy. What does this have to do with your kids? Your kids are a work in progress. From the moment of conception (when she first gets pregnant) everything that person can and will be as a full grown person is ALREADY embedded in that embryo! As a side note: For those of you wrestling with the abortion question as to whether an embryo is a real, full, human person; God told me to tell you that the answer is YES; period!!! Any hooo, just like good tender meat takes time to properly cook, your child takes time to mature and grow in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. It is no wonder why childhood is from birth to approximately 12 to 13 years old.

In recent years, the microwave oven has become a part of the regular kitchen appliance line-up. My observation, however, is that although the microwave may be good for heating warm coffee, it is not good for cooking good meals. Unfortunately, some of us want “microwave kids”; we want them to be able to walk, talk, clean their own asses, clean a house according to our specifications, get a job, and make good wise decisions, before theirs first tooth!!! Oh I’m wrong, huh? Look how much time it takes for moms to put away the breast in exchange for the bottle. We are impatient! Another side note; when should you put away the breast? A good guide is when your child is old enough to verbally ask for strawberry Kool Aid instead of milk (about 2 years at least).

As your children are learning, growing, and figuring out how life in their brand new body works, they need your loving, patient guidance to help see them through. When you are patient with them they become “tender” for you; in other words they are easy and cooperative to work with; even in their teenage years. And furthermore, when you are
patient, they become “gravy” for you; in other words not only do they have character that “tastes” good, but when they are “adults in training (teenagers), and during times when you are tired, stressed, and threatened to be overwhelmed by domestic and career responsibilities, they can “cover’ you by taking up some of the slack.

Next time we’ll take a look at the 3rd P, Persistence; see ya.

The Four P's To Parenting Part 1

Greetings to you all. Well it's been a while since I last contributed my thoughts for your consideration, so I'd like to do that today. L left off last time mentioning the 4 P's of parenting which are; presence, patience, persistence, and finally power. Allow me to break these 4 down starting with presence. If you imagine yourself to be an effective parent to your children and adults-in-training (teenagers), then there is no substitute for being physically and emotionally available to them, starting from birth!!!

At the risk of making anyone feel bad or guilty (that is not the intention of this forum), one of the biggest disappointments to parenting, as far as I'm concerned, is our societies' need for day care. Let me be absolutely clear: Mothers are designed by God to physically care for their own babies around the clock!!! You see, Mother Nature equipped you with something day care could never provide for your precious little one; breasts full of milk! What's the significance of this you ask? God told me to tell you that when a baby is forming in her mother's womb, milk is naturally and systematically forming at the same time to meet the physical and neurological needs of your baby in particular. That means the milk forming in your breasts is designed to meet the needs of that baby only! No one else's baby but yours!
If you had four kids at four different times, the milk formed at each pregnancy was different!!! Did you know that? Now I'm not trying to speak a bad word against Similac, for example; thank goodness for them. All I'm saying is that if your baby isn't getting the benefit of the milk specifically and personally designed for him, he's missing something important that can only come from mom's presence. It's unfortunate that having to get out and work a job interferes with this very important time in a baby's life.

Since we as a society have comfortably placed our babies in the hands of day care, by the time they are eight, twelve, and sixteen years old we think nothing of being so busy with other things (work, church, bingo, extra marital affairs, etc.), we don't really know our kids, and they don't know us! And we wonder why is it that we have such a tough time relating to our teens. If you want a solid and positive influence on your teens, it starts with always being there for them from the early years. You need to be there for their first words, the first tooth, the first steps, the first fever and trip to the doctor; the first tears from a scraped knee. Be there for the first trip to kindergarten, and so on. If you start this trend of being there from the start; both moms and dads, the teenage years won't be so tough.

A final word about being present; it's not just physically being seen, but it's emotionally being involved.
There are parents who think that just because they're around the house that this counts for being present. But watching All My Children, washing clothes, and changing the oil in the garage doesn't really count, unless you invite your kids to do it with you. The key is Present Interaction; it's about relationship building that starts with buying diapers and continues with their drivers learning permit.

In my next piece we'll consider the second P, which is Patience. Stay tuned.