“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” These words are taken from a very familiar source: the Bible. No, I am not here to open up the scriptures and deliver a sermon (although I'm sort of use to that). However, in a day and time when more and more people seem to complain about the disrespectful, lazy, fowl mouthed, and undisciplined generation that appears to be developing on the seen today, one has to wonder if we shouldn't be re-visiting this timeless passage of scripture for a timely solution.
When I was in 6th grade (I'm 45 years old today; you figure out how long ago that was), I had a teacher named Mr. McCarthy at Michelle Clark Middle School on Chicago's great west side. During one particular class session, the teacher randomly went around the class asking different students to answer time table problems. He would look at me, for example, and say, rather suddenly, “Seven times eight is what?”. And if the answer was anything other than “56”, my hand was in trouble; because he had a wooden ruler wrapped in electrical tape that he would whack you with if you got the answer wrong. And it didn't do me any good to complain to my parents about this, because they were in full agreement with this “method of education”. Needless to say, not only was I no trouble to my parents or teachers, but I mastered my time tables quite well; thank you very much. (for legal and career reasons, I wouldn't recommend this method to educators today).
Now I'm not saying that we should run out to Office Max, purchase a ruler, wrap it with tape, and start whacking a bunch of kids. However, if we take the above scripture, break it on down, and faithfully apply it to our offspring today (you really don't have to be religious to do this), I know we'll have better success with our children today and tomorrow . I've sited three (3) steps to child training. They are:
1. Modeling or example setting. Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you're doing speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying”? You can't puff on cancer sticks (cigarettes) and tell a child not to smoke. Nor can you “cuss” like a sailor and expect your child to speak like the angels. It just don't work like that (please excuse my Ebonics here). No where else is the phrase “practice what you preach” more critically important than in the raising of children. You've got to “show them” how it's done; believe me, they're watching.
2.Verbal dialogue conduction. Please, do not make the common mistake of thinking that your “good” habits are automatically picked up by your children without checking with them. How do you do that: You talk to them. You should “show and tell”. When do you start doing this? As soon as they are able to talk and hold a conversation (somewhere between 2 and 4 years old). This brings me to the very important matter of what is a child. Before we get to number 3, let me give some insight on this. Because of the “so called” legal age of 18 for smoking and porn, and 21 for drinking, we have a tendency of calling 15 and 16 year olds “kids”. Without going into great detail here, nature sort of dictates that the moment a human is biologically able to produce offspring, they are no longer children, even if you still want to legally label them or treat them as such! Sure, they still need to continue growing and maturing mentally, emotionally, educationally, economically, and experientially. But you can't deny what nature is causing them to feel in their souls. And they tend to rebel against anyone who tries to challenge,ignore, or deny this.
Childhood stretches from birth to around 12 or 13 years old. Beyond this, they are adults in training. As early as 3 to 5 you should require that they help you around the house (cooking, cleaning, moping; stuff like that). Never mind that they are still to little to do some things on their own. They aren't to young to assist you. Show patience, even if they mess up; they're learning. If you do this consistently throughout their childhood years, you won't have to threaten, yell, and scream at them to get them to do these things when they are “adults in training” (and when they are old, they won't depart). When children are young, it's important to them to impress their parents, but as they get to be “adults in training”, impressing their friends becomes the order of their young lives. So get em' while they're young; real young.
3. Finally, scripture also talks about the “rod of correction”. This really only works if you've. done the first two steps and they know that you love them. When they fail to notice your example, and they ignore your words, some form of discipline or punishment can help get their attention. A couple of whacks on the bottom should do the trick (trust me; it won't kill or traumatize them). This should not be done just because they've made you angry or have finally gotten on you “last nerves”. This should be done in a calm but firm manner, with the spirit of teaching in mind. There are times when these little people simply don't understand anything but a swift, precise whack on the backside. “But wait a minute”, you may be saying; “what about time-out?” I'm not saying not to do that; try it. If it works for your child, by all means, do it. Some children respond well to the “time out” method of correction. You may even try withholding a favorite toy, activity, or TV show. Or threaten to give em' Castor Oil (lol). I'm just giving you the most quick and effective way to bring them around. You'll discover that if you make this a practice when they are really children, then you won't have to jump on them and beat the “hell” out of them when they are older (adults in training that is).
You'll find that if you follow these simple steps to training up a child (before they hit puberty) in the way that they should go: Setting a good example, verbal dialogue and instruction, and the rod of correction; that the teen-age years really don't have to be a parent's “nightmare” after all.
One final thought on this subject before I leave you here: Parenting can be a tough job; but somebody has to do it. And if you are one of those individuals or couples that have children, then the job is yours! During these important years of child training and raising, you need what I call the 4 Ps of parenting: Presence, patience, persistence, and power (or “energy”. Hey, energy is a better word than “power”, but I needed a forth word that starts with the letter “P”). I'll explain these 4 Ps in more detail in my next discussion.
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Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating
In order for a woman to keep her man from stepping out and cheating on her, it's important for her to understand how vital her support for her man really is. And a man needs to believe that at the end of the day, his woman is right there in his corner. Ladies, take a page from the world of sports. Ever hear of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? What about The Chicago Luvabulls? These are two of many sports organizations that understand that one way to get men motivated enough to perform to maximum capability is to have a group of pretty, attractive females whooping and hollering, dancing and cheering, pumping fists in the air for the home team and yelling, “Go team go!”
Now your man may not be a quarterback for Dallas, or a point guard for Chicago, but maybe he's an office manager or a salesman, or a mailman, or a truck driver; perhaps an electrician or a painter, or maybe even a laid off worker in between jobs looking for work or going to school to improve his opportunities. What ever he's doing or trying to do, one of the things he's going to need to maximize his attempt is his woman's support of his efforts, work, and ideas.
There is a saying out there that goes something like this; “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” Many women are masters at putting a man down, making discouraging, condescending remarks, complaining, nagging, fussing, bitching and moaning. It's like she becomes this dark cloud over his head that's constantly drizzling. Many women will claim that this is nothing more than their attempt to motivate improvement in a man that she feels can do better. However ladies, I can assure you that most times this only serves to slowly push him away; usually into the arms of another woman who gives him the support he doesn't feel he's getting from you. You know, many times when men or women cheat, it's not necessarily because they're just looking to fool around for fun, but it's because they discover someone else out there that cares enough to give them some attention and support.
Please allow me at this time to dispel a myth: That in any one life time, there is only one true love or special person out there for any one man or woman; that there is only one soul mate for me or you. Paleeeeze!!! The truth: This planet is loaded with people who would be a good or even a perfect match for you or me. These people may even be of a different race than you; may be a few years younger or older. My point is that there are plenty of women out there that are not only available and willing to be with and support your man, but are also quite compatible with him. So if you aren't giving your man the support he wants and needs, don't be shocked and surprised if some else ends up in his “cheering” section.
Now your man may not be a quarterback for Dallas, or a point guard for Chicago, but maybe he's an office manager or a salesman, or a mailman, or a truck driver; perhaps an electrician or a painter, or maybe even a laid off worker in between jobs looking for work or going to school to improve his opportunities. What ever he's doing or trying to do, one of the things he's going to need to maximize his attempt is his woman's support of his efforts, work, and ideas.
There is a saying out there that goes something like this; “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” Many women are masters at putting a man down, making discouraging, condescending remarks, complaining, nagging, fussing, bitching and moaning. It's like she becomes this dark cloud over his head that's constantly drizzling. Many women will claim that this is nothing more than their attempt to motivate improvement in a man that she feels can do better. However ladies, I can assure you that most times this only serves to slowly push him away; usually into the arms of another woman who gives him the support he doesn't feel he's getting from you. You know, many times when men or women cheat, it's not necessarily because they're just looking to fool around for fun, but it's because they discover someone else out there that cares enough to give them some attention and support.
Please allow me at this time to dispel a myth: That in any one life time, there is only one true love or special person out there for any one man or woman; that there is only one soul mate for me or you. Paleeeeze!!! The truth: This planet is loaded with people who would be a good or even a perfect match for you or me. These people may even be of a different race than you; may be a few years younger or older. My point is that there are plenty of women out there that are not only available and willing to be with and support your man, but are also quite compatible with him. So if you aren't giving your man the support he wants and needs, don't be shocked and surprised if some else ends up in his “cheering” section.
Monday, April 19, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating
In order for a woman to keep her man from cheating, she needs to respect him; along with providing him with clean, healthy, and vibrant sexual stimulation. Now depending on what type of man you have, this may possibly be easier said than done. Many women, for a variety of reasons, find it challenging to respect the man that they are with. Maybe you caught him cheating. Or perhaps he's terrible with money. Or maybe he has a hard time holding down a job or finding work. Maybe he isn't as educated, or makes less money than you. Perhaps his credit score sucks, or his car only runs part of the time. The list could go on as to why a women finds it hard to give a man the respect he feels he is lacking and would like to have from you.
In my opinion you have two choices concerning your man: Either respect the man you're with, or dump him and get one you can respect; period; end of discussion. If your relationship with him is going to work you've got to give him respect, or he'll find (and for many men this isn't all that difficult, regardless of what you may think of him) another woman who treats him like he's Tom Cruise.
I've heard a number of women lament over situations in which when they finally saw the woman that their man was cheating with, that the other woman wasn't as attractive as she is. She'll say things like, “Why that heifer aint even as good looking as me, why the hell did he go for her?” Sometimes, ladies, it's not simply about how nice her boobs are or how long her hair is, but it's a matter of how she treats him; the fact that she makes him feel like a man, like a king, like the warrior he either really is or wishes he could be. We men are very simple creatures, unlike women who tend to be just a bit more complicated, who can find satisfaction in life with just a can of beer and a stroke of the ol' ego.
Some people say that respect has to be earned. And you know what; I couldn't agree more. However, there are situations where respect can be “granted” rather than earned. For example, you may grant respect to a man simply because he has a badge and is wearing a uniform, even though you know nothing about him. You can also grant respect based on a person's potential or your expectation of ones eventual future. If a person is doing well in law school, you may give him the respect of an attorney, even if he hasn't passed the bar yet. The point is if you have chosen to either be or stay with a man (even if he isn't exactly “perfect”) I can only assume that it may be because you see in him the potential to either be more or have more: Respect the potential. Women can have so much power and influence on a man that many times she can unconsciously “coach” him into improvement; but she can't and won't do it unless she gives him respect. If you give your man the respect that he wants and needs from you, not only will you have a man that won't cheat on you, but a man you can eventually be proud of in other areas as well.
In my opinion you have two choices concerning your man: Either respect the man you're with, or dump him and get one you can respect; period; end of discussion. If your relationship with him is going to work you've got to give him respect, or he'll find (and for many men this isn't all that difficult, regardless of what you may think of him) another woman who treats him like he's Tom Cruise.
I've heard a number of women lament over situations in which when they finally saw the woman that their man was cheating with, that the other woman wasn't as attractive as she is. She'll say things like, “Why that heifer aint even as good looking as me, why the hell did he go for her?” Sometimes, ladies, it's not simply about how nice her boobs are or how long her hair is, but it's a matter of how she treats him; the fact that she makes him feel like a man, like a king, like the warrior he either really is or wishes he could be. We men are very simple creatures, unlike women who tend to be just a bit more complicated, who can find satisfaction in life with just a can of beer and a stroke of the ol' ego.
Some people say that respect has to be earned. And you know what; I couldn't agree more. However, there are situations where respect can be “granted” rather than earned. For example, you may grant respect to a man simply because he has a badge and is wearing a uniform, even though you know nothing about him. You can also grant respect based on a person's potential or your expectation of ones eventual future. If a person is doing well in law school, you may give him the respect of an attorney, even if he hasn't passed the bar yet. The point is if you have chosen to either be or stay with a man (even if he isn't exactly “perfect”) I can only assume that it may be because you see in him the potential to either be more or have more: Respect the potential. Women can have so much power and influence on a man that many times she can unconsciously “coach” him into improvement; but she can't and won't do it unless she gives him respect. If you give your man the respect that he wants and needs from you, not only will you have a man that won't cheat on you, but a man you can eventually be proud of in other areas as well.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating
Welcome back, my people. At the time of this writing, I'm watching the “Tyra Banks Show” with “Ludacris” as a guest on the show. A female in the audience asked him the question, “How can you tell if a man is cheating on you?”, to which Luda responded by saying, “I can't answer that question due to the guy code; I must respect the code; right fellas?” Men in the audience agreed with him.
Ladies, I don't have a “guy code” I respect. You are my sisters and I want the best for you, and I want to help you as much as I can. That's why I tell you the truth (as I see it) and keep it real.
With that said, I need to piggy back on the last conversation about the nature of why people cheat. Some people may think that I'm simply making excuses or trying to give the green light to people who just want to have fun fooling around. I am not attempting to make excuses; however, I am attempting to explain a little bit about natural animal instincts. As human beings, we are blessed with minds that can reason, think, and create; unlike other mammals. Due to this human benefit, we don't have to submit to animalistic behavior. People do not have to cheat; men or women. And in spite of statistics, not all men cheat! They may fantasize occasionally, but many men are conservatively faithful. However, depending on your upbringing, social, religious, and parental influence, as well as individual personalities, we all have various degrees of moral levels. And as humans with the capacity to love and receive love, at our core being, we have no desire to hurt one another. However, when our ability to have certain basic needs met are challenged (a wife withholding sex from her husband for weeks because she's always too tired, or going without food for two weeks, for example), we may turn to animalistic behavior, or act on “instincts” to help meet the need. The stronger your moral “programming”, the less likely you are to revert to acting on instinct. Sex is a basic, natural human need, and so is “change”. We need to keep these things in mind when we are in monogamous relationships. Your attitude towards and treatment of your man can very well help determine, along with other factors, how likely he is to use his mind to be faithful, or his “flesh” (aka instinct) to be a cheat.
Next I'll get into the other ways to keep your man from cheating on you; so stayed tuned.
Ladies, I don't have a “guy code” I respect. You are my sisters and I want the best for you, and I want to help you as much as I can. That's why I tell you the truth (as I see it) and keep it real.
With that said, I need to piggy back on the last conversation about the nature of why people cheat. Some people may think that I'm simply making excuses or trying to give the green light to people who just want to have fun fooling around. I am not attempting to make excuses; however, I am attempting to explain a little bit about natural animal instincts. As human beings, we are blessed with minds that can reason, think, and create; unlike other mammals. Due to this human benefit, we don't have to submit to animalistic behavior. People do not have to cheat; men or women. And in spite of statistics, not all men cheat! They may fantasize occasionally, but many men are conservatively faithful. However, depending on your upbringing, social, religious, and parental influence, as well as individual personalities, we all have various degrees of moral levels. And as humans with the capacity to love and receive love, at our core being, we have no desire to hurt one another. However, when our ability to have certain basic needs met are challenged (a wife withholding sex from her husband for weeks because she's always too tired, or going without food for two weeks, for example), we may turn to animalistic behavior, or act on “instincts” to help meet the need. The stronger your moral “programming”, the less likely you are to revert to acting on instinct. Sex is a basic, natural human need, and so is “change”. We need to keep these things in mind when we are in monogamous relationships. Your attitude towards and treatment of your man can very well help determine, along with other factors, how likely he is to use his mind to be faithful, or his “flesh” (aka instinct) to be a cheat.
Next I'll get into the other ways to keep your man from cheating on you; so stayed tuned.
Monday, April 5, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating
Well, I've been away for about a week now (had to do some electrical work for a friend). So I am back with my continuing perspective on how to help keep your man from cheating. After dealing with the sexual stimulation portion of this discussion, it is now time for me to move on to the other factors I believe to be important in order to keep your man happily in your bed. However, before I continue with this very vital and timely discussion, I feel it is necessary at this point to say something about human nature and why marriage, as we traditionally practice it, under the best of circumstances, is such a challenge in the first place.
Over 50% of marriages (church folks included) end in divorce. And out of the couples who manage to stay together, half of them ain't happy. Many of them stay in a “dead” marriage because either they feel they can't afford to split up, or perhaps they have sooooo much money until they're afraid to loose much of it during a nasty divorce; or perhaps they're hanging in there for the kid's sake. Still, others of the more religious persuasion are told that God “hates” divorce. And since you don't want to piss him off, you just put up with a lifeless relationship for God's sake (this is crazy and unnecessary by the way; in reality God doesn't “really” force you to do anything; much less stay with someone you don't want). So what's up with the big universal nuptial challenge?
What I'm about to say is not meant to discourage marriage, it's only an attempt to explain why it's such a great challenge for so many couples. This comes on the heels of having just seen Tyler Perry's new movie “Why Did I Get Married Too”. By nature, we are creatures of variety. If you walk outside your front door and take a real good, careful, long, and sober-minded look at God's creation, it becomes all to evident that God is a God of major variety. In fact, change and variety can easily be said to be synonymous with life itself (and life, in case you weren't aware of it, is God). Not even one snow flake is exactly like another in, spite of the multiple trillions that fall. Just look at your appetite for food for a minute (oh, and uhm by the way; the appetite for food is very similar to the appetite for sex): Do you love fried chicken? I know I do. But what if you had to eat it every single day for the rest of your life? No fish! No pork chops! No shrimp! No steak! No french fries! No salad! No ham and eggs! No ice cream and cake! NOTHING BUT FRIED CHICKEN FOREVER! Would that start to get old after awhile? In a sense, that's what monogamous marriage is the way we practice it; nothing but fried chicken. Men produce millions and millions of sperm throughout their lives (woman, in contrast, run out of eggs somewhere around 50 years old; they call it menopause). Do you really think nature intended for all of that seed to be “wasted” on just one woman? Nature has programmed into the DNA of men to desire a variety female for the purpose of putting that seed to good use; there by ensuring the perpetuation of the human species. That's right folks, it's not a “sin” for a man to, at the very least, sneak a peak at another woman; it's sort of in his blood. And although I'm not a woman, I know that even though most woman are happy with one good man, many of them fantasize from time to time about what it would be like to be with some hunk like Denzel or Mr. Travolta (aw go on; admit it, I won't tell your husband). You see, my friends, I believe that long-term monogamy challenges what nature designed us to be; creatures of variety and change.
As we get older, we change; our ideas change, our values change, our outlooks on life change, our political, social, and religious perspectives may change. You may join a church after years of none-attendance, or leave after years of faithful participation. You may suddenly become a democrat after years of voting republican, or vice-versa. You may change careers, or want to change cities. You may decide one day that you want a dog or cat. Although ideally, if and when these changes occur, you would like your spouse to harmoniously change with you, or at the very least easily accept your change, the reality is that they often do not. And that's OK. If you grow apart, God does not require you to stay together.
Now I can hear a lot of people getting angry with me for the above observations; accusing me of trying to excuse immoral behavior. However, think about it; they say ones biggest financial investment is ones home. Normally when we buy one, we take out a 30 year mortgage. Yet, on average, statistics show that every 5 to 7 years into the mortgage, people either sale or refinance. Many times they are refinancing to fix-up, add-on, or redecorate the home. Why? Because even with a house, after six years or so people want a change; something different. Why do we expect that to somehow change with a spouse? All throughout the rest of our lives we look for variety and change, but when we get married, all of a sudden we expect to be perpetually excited about sameness. Why has drugs like Viagra become so popular? One main reason is it's an attempt to bypass a man's “natural” excitement for sex (which is why he normally gets hard) as a way of achieving an erection by using artificial chemicals. Why isn't he excited on his own? I bet he wouldn't need Viagra for that 22 year old cheerleader; or even his own wife of 15 years if he suddenly splits up with her, separates for a while, and notices that other men show some “appreciation” for what she brings to the table.
These comments are not designed to sour your taste towards marriage. However, if we want our matrimonial relationships to experience good success we need to understand what we are up against here so we can be prepared. This is one reason why a man needs his wife to provide clean, healthy, and vibrant sexual stimulation. It's challenging enough to maintain long-term excitement for an attractive wife. But for a woman that allows herself go down hill physically? It can be a great challenge. For her to have a chance, she should work to maintain both an attractive physique and personality; not to be a whiny, sour, bitchy, nerve-wrecking annoyance (the same could be said about men; women cheat too).
Over 50% of marriages (church folks included) end in divorce. And out of the couples who manage to stay together, half of them ain't happy. Many of them stay in a “dead” marriage because either they feel they can't afford to split up, or perhaps they have sooooo much money until they're afraid to loose much of it during a nasty divorce; or perhaps they're hanging in there for the kid's sake. Still, others of the more religious persuasion are told that God “hates” divorce. And since you don't want to piss him off, you just put up with a lifeless relationship for God's sake (this is crazy and unnecessary by the way; in reality God doesn't “really” force you to do anything; much less stay with someone you don't want). So what's up with the big universal nuptial challenge?
What I'm about to say is not meant to discourage marriage, it's only an attempt to explain why it's such a great challenge for so many couples. This comes on the heels of having just seen Tyler Perry's new movie “Why Did I Get Married Too”. By nature, we are creatures of variety. If you walk outside your front door and take a real good, careful, long, and sober-minded look at God's creation, it becomes all to evident that God is a God of major variety. In fact, change and variety can easily be said to be synonymous with life itself (and life, in case you weren't aware of it, is God). Not even one snow flake is exactly like another in, spite of the multiple trillions that fall. Just look at your appetite for food for a minute (oh, and uhm by the way; the appetite for food is very similar to the appetite for sex): Do you love fried chicken? I know I do. But what if you had to eat it every single day for the rest of your life? No fish! No pork chops! No shrimp! No steak! No french fries! No salad! No ham and eggs! No ice cream and cake! NOTHING BUT FRIED CHICKEN FOREVER! Would that start to get old after awhile? In a sense, that's what monogamous marriage is the way we practice it; nothing but fried chicken. Men produce millions and millions of sperm throughout their lives (woman, in contrast, run out of eggs somewhere around 50 years old; they call it menopause). Do you really think nature intended for all of that seed to be “wasted” on just one woman? Nature has programmed into the DNA of men to desire a variety female for the purpose of putting that seed to good use; there by ensuring the perpetuation of the human species. That's right folks, it's not a “sin” for a man to, at the very least, sneak a peak at another woman; it's sort of in his blood. And although I'm not a woman, I know that even though most woman are happy with one good man, many of them fantasize from time to time about what it would be like to be with some hunk like Denzel or Mr. Travolta (aw go on; admit it, I won't tell your husband). You see, my friends, I believe that long-term monogamy challenges what nature designed us to be; creatures of variety and change.
As we get older, we change; our ideas change, our values change, our outlooks on life change, our political, social, and religious perspectives may change. You may join a church after years of none-attendance, or leave after years of faithful participation. You may suddenly become a democrat after years of voting republican, or vice-versa. You may change careers, or want to change cities. You may decide one day that you want a dog or cat. Although ideally, if and when these changes occur, you would like your spouse to harmoniously change with you, or at the very least easily accept your change, the reality is that they often do not. And that's OK. If you grow apart, God does not require you to stay together.
Now I can hear a lot of people getting angry with me for the above observations; accusing me of trying to excuse immoral behavior. However, think about it; they say ones biggest financial investment is ones home. Normally when we buy one, we take out a 30 year mortgage. Yet, on average, statistics show that every 5 to 7 years into the mortgage, people either sale or refinance. Many times they are refinancing to fix-up, add-on, or redecorate the home. Why? Because even with a house, after six years or so people want a change; something different. Why do we expect that to somehow change with a spouse? All throughout the rest of our lives we look for variety and change, but when we get married, all of a sudden we expect to be perpetually excited about sameness. Why has drugs like Viagra become so popular? One main reason is it's an attempt to bypass a man's “natural” excitement for sex (which is why he normally gets hard) as a way of achieving an erection by using artificial chemicals. Why isn't he excited on his own? I bet he wouldn't need Viagra for that 22 year old cheerleader; or even his own wife of 15 years if he suddenly splits up with her, separates for a while, and notices that other men show some “appreciation” for what she brings to the table.
These comments are not designed to sour your taste towards marriage. However, if we want our matrimonial relationships to experience good success we need to understand what we are up against here so we can be prepared. This is one reason why a man needs his wife to provide clean, healthy, and vibrant sexual stimulation. It's challenging enough to maintain long-term excitement for an attractive wife. But for a woman that allows herself go down hill physically? It can be a great challenge. For her to have a chance, she should work to maintain both an attractive physique and personality; not to be a whiny, sour, bitchy, nerve-wrecking annoyance (the same could be said about men; women cheat too).
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating part 4
Continuing from part 4 of this discussion of why do men cheat, a woman's sexual stimulation aught to be vibrant. Now, to me, this means 2 things. Number one, it means that the man actually is stimulated, meaning that he does, at the very least, get some from you. For some reason, that we won't get into right here, some women seem to have a take-it or leave-it attitude towards sex with their man; mostly leave it. They come up with all types of excuses why they just can't do it tonight (headache, backache, stomachache, too tired, the baby's crying, toenail hurts; you get the point). But then these same women have the audacity to be upset, shocked, and disturbed when the man actually gets with another woman, or at the very least, looks at porn.
Then there is the “saint” who only wants to do one position because the others are “unholy and wrong before God”; or she doesn't want to feel like a dirty slut. This woman is just too conservative for that type of “degrading” activity. You see, such shenanigans are beneath her. After all, she's a “missionary baptist girl”; born and raised, and by-golly, in the name of Jesus, that's what she's gonna stay.
Then, number 2, if you're going to help keep your man from cheating on you, it is also important to provide what I call flavorable stimulation. There are many women (wives, girlfriends, shack up honeys) who, although they do offer themselves sexually, don't present themselves flavorably. In other words, there's no excitement or enthusiasm; no real passion attached to the presentation. In the bedroom, this woman is like a boiled piece of chicken with no season salt, peppers, onions, sauce; nothing. Just plain, tasteless, bland meat. Nothing for a man to really get excited about. This woman probably comes to bed with hair rollers, big bloomer panties, crusty lips, ashy feet; smelling like collard greens. Woooowww....wouldn't you want to lay with this beach babe (your wife). Even if you never have a real orgasm; can't you provide some special affects and fake it sometimes? (Ok, I'm just kidding a bit here).
Allow me, as a man, to give you some of my ideas of vibrant sexual stimulation that might help keep him more interested in you and less interested in others:
A. Actually have sex with him. Go on; tonight, surprise him by actually saying “yes”. I bet it won't bring about the end of the world.
B. I know God won't have a problem with you trying new things in the bedroom. Trust me on this. Now although I don't recommend doing anything that's going to be physically painful or injuring, other things are just simply a matter of opinion or personal taste (pun sort of intended). God's not going to stop blessing you or send you to hell because you use toys or do it “doggy style”. Perhaps your pastor might “trip”, but God won't (which of the two is more important to you).
C. I know you probably don't want to mess up that great hair do while sleeping, but at least let him see it during sex; don't put the scarf on so soon. And if you wore a wig or hair piece all day, don't be so quick to snatch it off in front of him.
D.Try putting on some lipstick and perfume at bedtime (and some lotion wouldn't hurt either). If it's good enough for the boss and the men at the office all day, shouldn't it be good enough for your man at night? Don't get me wrong; collard greens ain't bad when I'm hungry, but I'd prefer some Victoria Secrets on my “freak” at night.
E. Speaking of Victoria Secrets, bloomer panties may be fine for your menstrual period, but what's wrong with some red thongs with a matching sexy bra any other time of the month? Nothing!!! Or some purple fish net knee highs with matching high heels (it's getting hot in here; I'd better open a window)! And sometimes, actually leave the girdle on underneath the sexy-short yellow night gown to show off those great legs but not-so-great mid section. This way, you appear to sometimes be a “slimmer” woman to your man (sometimes' it's not about what you really are, but what you appear to look like; play tricks with his eyes from time to time).
Now I know what some women may say; “Well, If he really loves me, it shouldn't matter to him what I look or act like; love should make him live and deal with it!” Tina Turner sang a song, What's love Gotta Do With It; which is to say that just because a man cheats on you doesn't mean he doesn't love you; love's got nothing to do with it! Now I know I may get some disagreements with this, but just because I eat at Wendy's doesn't mean that I don't love a good home cooked meal. However, if the meal at home either isn't available or doesn't taste right, I might just go to Wendy's. Get the point? You don't have to agree with it; I'm just trying to help some ladies keep their men from cheating.
Then there is the “saint” who only wants to do one position because the others are “unholy and wrong before God”; or she doesn't want to feel like a dirty slut. This woman is just too conservative for that type of “degrading” activity. You see, such shenanigans are beneath her. After all, she's a “missionary baptist girl”; born and raised, and by-golly, in the name of Jesus, that's what she's gonna stay.
Then, number 2, if you're going to help keep your man from cheating on you, it is also important to provide what I call flavorable stimulation. There are many women (wives, girlfriends, shack up honeys) who, although they do offer themselves sexually, don't present themselves flavorably. In other words, there's no excitement or enthusiasm; no real passion attached to the presentation. In the bedroom, this woman is like a boiled piece of chicken with no season salt, peppers, onions, sauce; nothing. Just plain, tasteless, bland meat. Nothing for a man to really get excited about. This woman probably comes to bed with hair rollers, big bloomer panties, crusty lips, ashy feet; smelling like collard greens. Woooowww....wouldn't you want to lay with this beach babe (your wife). Even if you never have a real orgasm; can't you provide some special affects and fake it sometimes? (Ok, I'm just kidding a bit here).
Allow me, as a man, to give you some of my ideas of vibrant sexual stimulation that might help keep him more interested in you and less interested in others:
A. Actually have sex with him. Go on; tonight, surprise him by actually saying “yes”. I bet it won't bring about the end of the world.
B. I know God won't have a problem with you trying new things in the bedroom. Trust me on this. Now although I don't recommend doing anything that's going to be physically painful or injuring, other things are just simply a matter of opinion or personal taste (pun sort of intended). God's not going to stop blessing you or send you to hell because you use toys or do it “doggy style”. Perhaps your pastor might “trip”, but God won't (which of the two is more important to you).
C. I know you probably don't want to mess up that great hair do while sleeping, but at least let him see it during sex; don't put the scarf on so soon. And if you wore a wig or hair piece all day, don't be so quick to snatch it off in front of him.
D.Try putting on some lipstick and perfume at bedtime (and some lotion wouldn't hurt either). If it's good enough for the boss and the men at the office all day, shouldn't it be good enough for your man at night? Don't get me wrong; collard greens ain't bad when I'm hungry, but I'd prefer some Victoria Secrets on my “freak” at night.
E. Speaking of Victoria Secrets, bloomer panties may be fine for your menstrual period, but what's wrong with some red thongs with a matching sexy bra any other time of the month? Nothing!!! Or some purple fish net knee highs with matching high heels (it's getting hot in here; I'd better open a window)! And sometimes, actually leave the girdle on underneath the sexy-short yellow night gown to show off those great legs but not-so-great mid section. This way, you appear to sometimes be a “slimmer” woman to your man (sometimes' it's not about what you really are, but what you appear to look like; play tricks with his eyes from time to time).
Now I know what some women may say; “Well, If he really loves me, it shouldn't matter to him what I look or act like; love should make him live and deal with it!” Tina Turner sang a song, What's love Gotta Do With It; which is to say that just because a man cheats on you doesn't mean he doesn't love you; love's got nothing to do with it! Now I know I may get some disagreements with this, but just because I eat at Wendy's doesn't mean that I don't love a good home cooked meal. However, if the meal at home either isn't available or doesn't taste right, I might just go to Wendy's. Get the point? You don't have to agree with it; I'm just trying to help some ladies keep their men from cheating.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
How To Help Keep Your Man From Cheating part 3
Continuing from part 2 of this topic, it is important for a wife (and the others), if she expects to keep her husband interested in her sexually, to provide "healthy" sexual stimulation. I believe that this often, unfortunately, gets ignored and overlooked. We've already discussed the importance of being clean on the outside. But what about "inner" cleanliness? What about clean lungs, a clean stomach, perhaps a clean colon? Did you know that a thin layer of flesh separates the lower colon from the vagina? There are times when if this area of the colon is full of "crap" (literally), sex, for the woman, can be a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention that when bowel sits in the colon it has a tendency to create "gases"; this too can create some unpleasant experiences during love making sessions. Try adding more fiber to your diet in the form of more fruits and vegetables, some whole-grain cereal, and perhaps a laxative at least once a month to help clean out all of the junk we average Americans tend to consume on a regular basis (I've found that about 12 dried plums,or "prunes", accomplishes the same thing).
And, at the risk of sounding socially redundant, proper diet and exercise, or lack of, is a major contributor to how you both look and feel. Although this is not exactly a new concept, when you look at all of the overweight and out of shape wives out there, one has to wonder whether or not this is the first time we're hearing this. I mean it's like the minute women graduate high school, have a baby, or get married, ALL exercise appears to come to a halt. One of the things I miss most about high school is that everyday, for four years, I was literally surrounded by great looking females with nice bodies. Now someone may say in defense, "Well, that's because they're teenagers; so what do you expect". Just because you're over 25 and married with a child or more does not mean that physical attractiveness has to end, or at the very least, take a mild or significant dive. If you have the mindset to make a good balanced diet and exercise as regular a part of your life as watching the nightly news or Desperate Housewives, I promise you'll look and feel better;
almost like in those high school days.
When you can look in the mirror and like what you see, and you feel good mentally and physically, not only will you be more appealing eye candy to your husband, but you bring a certain type of attitude and confidence to the bedroom that is alluring, appealing, and attractive. Many women tend to not be in a mood for sex simply because they don't "feel" attractive, even if their man is trying to reassure them that they are. My wife, Yolanda, is 42 years young; and people say to her, "gee, you're so young and good looking for your age". What? You're suppose to look good and attractive at 42. If you don't, then you didn't properly maintain yourself.
One final thought on the health portion of this discussion: Diet, exercise, and attitude has a lot to do with whether or not we not only contract many types of diseases (like cancer for example), but also how fast we heal from these diseases, or if we ever heal from them at all. With that said, there are relationships that have suffered sexually, due to one of the partners, particularly the woman, having some sort of sickness. At the risk of sounding insensitive, disease and sickness isn't sexy. Try and tell me that after chemo treatment, and a loss of hair, that your wife is still considered "hot" enough for you to want to rip her clothes off and "split her apart", so to speak. In general, I don't think so! Now Please don't miss understand me: I'm not saying a man no longer has feelings of love and commitment towards his sick bride, I'm just saying that from a sexual standpoint, there is a certain member of a man's anatomy that doesn't exactly stand stiffly to attention for a woman that's been vomiting due to radioactive invasive treatment. All I'm trying to say is that it is vitally important for a woman to be healthy in order to help maintain a man's sexual appetite for her.
At this point, there is something that I feel I need to explain about the sexual nature of us men to sort of help put this conversation in perspective. Keep in mind, my dear friends, that I'm not claiming these perspectives to be "the truth come from God". They are simply my opinions based on a lot of thought, study, and "open minded" observation. I invite you to share your thoughts and opinions on this matter. Any way, I will share man's sexual nature with you next time before getting into the "vibrant" part of a woman's sexual stimulation for her man.
And, at the risk of sounding socially redundant, proper diet and exercise, or lack of, is a major contributor to how you both look and feel. Although this is not exactly a new concept, when you look at all of the overweight and out of shape wives out there, one has to wonder whether or not this is the first time we're hearing this. I mean it's like the minute women graduate high school, have a baby, or get married, ALL exercise appears to come to a halt. One of the things I miss most about high school is that everyday, for four years, I was literally surrounded by great looking females with nice bodies. Now someone may say in defense, "Well, that's because they're teenagers; so what do you expect". Just because you're over 25 and married with a child or more does not mean that physical attractiveness has to end, or at the very least, take a mild or significant dive. If you have the mindset to make a good balanced diet and exercise as regular a part of your life as watching the nightly news or Desperate Housewives, I promise you'll look and feel better;
almost like in those high school days.
When you can look in the mirror and like what you see, and you feel good mentally and physically, not only will you be more appealing eye candy to your husband, but you bring a certain type of attitude and confidence to the bedroom that is alluring, appealing, and attractive. Many women tend to not be in a mood for sex simply because they don't "feel" attractive, even if their man is trying to reassure them that they are. My wife, Yolanda, is 42 years young; and people say to her, "gee, you're so young and good looking for your age". What? You're suppose to look good and attractive at 42. If you don't, then you didn't properly maintain yourself.
One final thought on the health portion of this discussion: Diet, exercise, and attitude has a lot to do with whether or not we not only contract many types of diseases (like cancer for example), but also how fast we heal from these diseases, or if we ever heal from them at all. With that said, there are relationships that have suffered sexually, due to one of the partners, particularly the woman, having some sort of sickness. At the risk of sounding insensitive, disease and sickness isn't sexy. Try and tell me that after chemo treatment, and a loss of hair, that your wife is still considered "hot" enough for you to want to rip her clothes off and "split her apart", so to speak. In general, I don't think so! Now Please don't miss understand me: I'm not saying a man no longer has feelings of love and commitment towards his sick bride, I'm just saying that from a sexual standpoint, there is a certain member of a man's anatomy that doesn't exactly stand stiffly to attention for a woman that's been vomiting due to radioactive invasive treatment. All I'm trying to say is that it is vitally important for a woman to be healthy in order to help maintain a man's sexual appetite for her.
At this point, there is something that I feel I need to explain about the sexual nature of us men to sort of help put this conversation in perspective. Keep in mind, my dear friends, that I'm not claiming these perspectives to be "the truth come from God". They are simply my opinions based on a lot of thought, study, and "open minded" observation. I invite you to share your thoughts and opinions on this matter. Any way, I will share man's sexual nature with you next time before getting into the "vibrant" part of a woman's sexual stimulation for her man.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
How To Keep Your Man From Cheating, Part 2
Hello everyone!! Once again Dr. Mike's here with some of my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives on some of the things I feel are relative and important to today's society. Let me remind you that I don't claim to have "the" answer from God concerning this monologue. Among us "saved" folks, you will here quite often the phrase, "The Lord spoke to me and said....."!!! Most times the Lord ain't said nothing; but that doesn't stop us from making the claim. I'm telling you up front that what I'm saying comes from years of experience, careful observation, a bit of my opinion, and a dash or pinch of inspiration. With that said let's get into the meat, a bit, as to why men cheat, and how to keep your man from cheating.
I told you before that there are three (3) things I believe wives, girlfriends, and move-in-honeys need to do to help ensure that their men will not cheat or seek the "services" of other females. It is my intention to share one of the three with you today. I think, however, at this point, it is important, for the sake of some of my more "conservative" friends, to understand why I also address the "girlfriends" and "move-in-honeys (aka "shack up); as if their relationships aren't as "divinely" legit. In the true spirit of the matter, when the rubber meets the road; whether the romantic union has been legalized by the state and blessed by the church or not; even if they haven't moved in together yet, women expect the men they're with to be faithful and monogamous to them. And if they're not, there can be some serious emotional, financial, and physical repercussions ( as crazy as it sounds, even "mistresses" expect faithfulness from cheating husbands; now think about that one for a minute).
For number one, I shall start with the most obvious: Clean, healthy, and vibrant sexual stimulation! Notice I didn't just say "give him some" (Remember, this is coming from a dude who's been married for nearly 20 years). Allow me to break it on down for you. First, the sex needs to be clean. Now when I say "clean", I'm not talking about the avoidance of certain types of sexual activities such as anal, oral, and stuff like that. That's between you and your lover to decide. As long as the two of you are in agreement and it's safe, comfortable and pleasurable, it's all good. I'm speaking of personal hygiene my friends.
Ladies, please understand; I can not over emphasize enough your need, due to your unique anatomies, to stay on top of good overall physical hygiene including oral, the "private parts" (back and front), and hair! One would think, "Duh, isn't that obvious?" Well, according to my experience, apparently not. Sometimes, due to being busy, tired, overworked, in a hurry, etc; women can, and do, neglect themselves. As a result, they may not be as fresh as they can be. However, some of these same woman will expect their men to "perform" as if they are the national model for Victoria Secrets, Bare Necessities, Avon, or Scope. I've heard people make the statement, "Well, if we really love each other, it shouldn't matter!" Oh, my God, who done told you wrong? (please excuse my grammar here). As if love should withstand morning breath, foot odor, bad hair, and other unpleasants I won't mention right here. Well, maybe true love will withstand these "situations", but not a good sex life! In case you hadn't heard, you can love someone and not be excited about french kissing them. All I'm trying to say, without being to redundant, is to be very mindful of your hygiene throughout the day, especially when you're with your man.
Here are a few pointers on what you can do to at least appear to be "fresh" for him:
1. Keep some sugarless breath spray (sugar causes tooth decay and eventually makes the odor worse) next to your side of the bed so you can give yourself a quick shot or two, just in case you haven't had a chance to go properly brush and gargle, but he's just got to have you "right now"!
2. Forget the expensive perfumes and powders; nothing is more powerful on foot odor than trusty ole baking soda. Just sprinkle a bit between the toes. Neither you, he, or anyone else will ever smell a thing.
3. Speaking of baking soda, brushing your teeth and tongue with baking soda or a very good baking soda based toothpaste (Arm & Hammer is perhaps the best) with a hydrogen peroxide damp toothbrush, along with flossing and a good mouthwash, after every meal; or at least every morning and before bed time, will usually help keep the mouth "french-kissing ready".
4. Am I one of the few people that realizes that toilet paper doesn't exactly "clean" you down there; hmm? I mean, c'mon, you might as well wash your dishes with a dry rag (try eating off of that plate during your next meal). Most people use toilet paper during those number "one" and "two" moments in the washroom, but will wait until their daily bath or shower (dear God let it be at least "daily") for soap and water. However, what if he's in the mood for love after the washroom break, but before the next scheduled bath or shower? What will you do? Just give him some anyway? Or maybe you're the horny one; do you insist on doing "it" before a good soaking? Do us a favor: Don't do it!!! Spontaneity certainly has its place, but, trust me, very bad experiences can occur between the sheets with this care-free attitude towards cleanliness. Hey, do you want spontaneity? Suddenly snatch him into the shower and try some wet foreplay.
5. And finally, ladies, I know that keeping your hair perpetually "beauty-salon correct" can be a challenge ( I do have a wife and two daughters). Therefore, if you're just going to slap a wig or a hair piece on it, at least make sure that the hair and scalp underneath is regularly washed and combed. After a few days of neglect, hair and scalp tends to develop an odor as well as dandruff. And it can be a turn off when you get home from work, or the mall, snatch off your wig, climb into bed to snuggle up with your man, and there's the odor of neglected hair (dandruff just isn't sexy).
Next, I'm going to discuss the "healthy" portion of number one of the three ways to keep your man from cheating; so stay tuned.
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