Happy Thursday to you all. Chicago's an interesting place, as far as weather goes: 60 degrees one day, 37 the next. This is what we go through in months like March and April. Well anyway let's continue this thought on what marriage really is, as far as the true spirit of it is concerned. However, before we wrestle with what it is, let's first discuss what many believe it to be. Many are under the impression that it's the $1700.00 diamond, 14k gold ring she and he sports on the fourth finger of the left hand. How many marriages have been jeopardized by the loss or misplacement of this piece of jewelry, hmm? Some people think it's the license, or in the words of some people, it's "the papers", "Oh I got papers on my man!" A rrreeeaaaallyyy big deal is made over these "papers". It's critically important to many people, especially conservative people, to have something recorded downtown that tells the world, "I legally got em". Many will even say that God will get upset with you if you move in together without first securing these papers. And still to others, it's the "wedding day" and all of the events leading up to it. Yaw know what I'm talking about; the invitations, the bridal showers, picking out the dress, the rehearsals, food for the reception, the ice sculpture, etc.
Are any of these things really the marriage? No, no, no! Now are they important to some degree? Yeeaahhh! Let's start with the ring: It is a 3 part symbol of what a marriage is ideally expected to be. The diamond represents marriage's toughness, hardness, and splendor. As the foundation of the family, marriage is expected to be the "solid rock" on which a family is built. The diamond, besides it's beauty, is the hardest natural substance known to man. Then there is the second part of the ring, which is the gold portion; which represents marriage's purity and the idea that it should be resistant to outside forces and elements. As you may know, gold is a precious metal that is highly resistant to rust, corrosion and tarnish. Finally there is the third portion of the ring, which is it's shape and make up; an unbroken circle. Like the ring, marriage is meant to be an unbroken circle where the husband and wife face each other, holding hands, and no one; mother, father, kids, next door neighbors, Bugs Bunny (lol), comes between them. Now if your marriage does not really experience these characteristics, wearing a freakin ring isn't going to help, now is it? On the flip side, the absence of a ring doesn't mean that these characteristics do not exist.
Well, what about the license, or the "papers"; the legalities of the union. This means that the government recognizes the two of you as a legal partnership. The state sees the two of you as a legal entity, much like a company or a corporation. Your relationship sort of becomes a "business", thus, there are special benefits that the state will bestow upon this union as a result. According to the law, there are about 1400 different legal benefits and privileges to having a clerk recorded marriage. Many of these "benefits", however, only really kick in in the event that something goes wrong in the relationship, such as death benefits, the ability to make critical decisions when the other is too sick or comatosed to do so for themselves, or in the case of a divorce. One of the things a corporation does is it protects it's individual members from personal liability as a result of the company's business dealings. So the corporation is like an insurance policy; which is what legal marriage really is: an insurance policy for the union. But as you are aware, you can't drive or wash an insurance policy, so it's not a car. You can't live in and move furniture into an insurance policy; so it's not a house, You can't groom and dress medical insurance; so it's not your body. Likewise, you can't hug, squeeze, kiss, talk to, and share thoughts, hopes, and dreams with a license at the county clerks office; so it's not your marriage. How many couples do you know of that, in spite of having the "papers", cheat, they lack trust for one another, they sleep in separate beds, they spend little or no time together, haven't had sex in months, and may even live in separate homes.
And as far as the wedding day goes (this is a favorite for the brides to be; us fellows just kind of show up in a properly fitting tux), this is a public announcement and celebration of your decision for "the two to become one". Now don't get me wrong; marriage is the foundation for families, communities, businesses, churches, and nations: why wouldn't you celebrate it? Of course you should. If you've got $100,000 to spend on a wedding, and you can really afford this, go for it! Get the extravagant dresses, cakes, limos, stringers, rice, macaroni; all of that. It truly is a big deal. But how many people spend over $77,000 on a wedding, for a relationship that ends up proving itself in less than to years to be worth about 17 cents. No my friends; the wedding is not truly the marriage either.
So what really is a marriage if this other stuff really aint? We'll discuss that next time.
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